Lucky Number Sleven

Lucky Number Sleven (Josh Hartnett, Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, Ben Kingsley, Lucy Liu, Stanley Tucci, Mykelti Williamson) – With a cast like this: (1) how could this movie fail? (2) why would you make it so violent? (3) why did it do so badly at the box office? (4) why is it such an unmitigated mess?  The answer, unfortunately, is all of the above.  The film attempts to be one part The Sting, one part Ocean’s Twelve, one part Batman.  For the first 75 minutes, it is an incomprehensible “B” movie version of all of the above plus the awful A History of Violence.  Eventually, the movie almost redeems itself as it tries to wrap up its disparate pieces into a nice little ball, leaving you understanding (finally!) but invariably unsatisfied.  In case this is too obtuse, here’s the story in a nutshell.  Rival gangs of stereotyped African Americans and Jews, led by cardboard cutout chieftains played by Academy Award-winning actors (“why-in-the-world-did-they-take-these-roles”?) Morgan Freeman and Sir Ben Kingsley, kill their way to the top.  The object of their attention is the supposedly unwitting protagonist played by Josh Hartnett, who seems to be caught in a web of misunderstanding, all the while cavorting with a young, beautiful, seductive coroner (yes, you heard me right) played by Lucy Liu.  It feels like a misguided march to nowhere right up until the time Hartnett’s “Sleven” character takes charge of his own destiny.  Then, the screenwriter(s) and director explain it all implausibly but just in time so you don’t feel it has been a total waste of your time.  The only portrayals worth watching are Willis’ and Hartnett’s – neither exactly veterans of the Actor’s Workshop — so rent this at your own risk.